Dealing with Depression and Trying to Stay Faithful

This is just a quick note of sorts.

The last year and a half have been very difficult.  I tried to get back into the swing of things with church.  I did not like being around large groups of people and my faith was all over the place.  I lost my job that I had for 11 years.  After nearly a year of being unemployed, I finally started getting interviews but no call backs.  I prayed to God, I begged God, I cried and cried and cried to God.  Nothing was happening.  Depression set in!

I had prayed, before losing my job, to not be a burden to my family during my unemployment.  Money was tight and got tighter.  I spent most days crying.  I did not want to even get out of bed.  Then I prayed for a job, the right job.  I told God that I would leave it up to Him, since he knows what is best for me.  I still applied for employment but nothing.  I became more and more depressed.

I asked God “why?”  Why am I still here?  Why should I even try?  Why should I care?  Why was I ever born?  I wanted to know why would He let me be a burden to my family.  Then I changed what I prayed for…

I prayed for God to stop putting this on my family.  I prayed that, if anyone was to suffer for my being unemployed, it should be me that suffers.  I asked God to let me suffer, not my family!

I was still depressed.  I decided to try harder with my business that is virtually non-existent.  I got a small sale.  It made me feel a little better.  Then I noticed that the Catholic Ladies Relief Society is having a craft fair at the end of October.  I decided to ask my brother for the money for a spot.  Then I got another sale.  I could pay my half of the fees myself (with my sister-in-law paying her half).  Then I started really working on pieces for the fair when I got some more sales.  I could buy supplies to make more items.  And that was when it happened.

I saw an ad for a job at my bank.  I had applied for a few teller positions, but no calls after the interviews.  I figured “what the heck! I’ll apply.”  After sending my resume and filling out an application online, I had to finish a questionaire to fill out.  It was late and, after awhile, I realized that it was 165 questions!  I almost stopped, but finished it anyway.

I got a call for phone interview.  Then I got a call for a face to face interview.  Then I got THE call, sort of…they would have to complete a background check.  That did not go smoothly.  I missed one link.  I missed a phone call.  But I got the job.

I officially start on the first of October.  It has good pay.  It is not full-time, which gives me time to work on my business more.  And I get benefits!  It is perfect for me!  But God already knew that.

Favorite Passages from the Gospels

It has been one of those weeks where my brain is on overload.  So either I have a million ideas or my mind goes blank.  I am in blank mode right now.

So I decided to share passages from the Gospels.  It is the one that really resonated with me from the moment that I read it.  When I think of what I should do as a Christian, this is what I think of…but I am not perfect.  I have stumbled many times.  But I get up and keep trying.


“…For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, a stranger and you welcomed me, naked and you clothed me, ill and you cared for me, in prison and you visited me.’  Then the righteous will answer him and say, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink?  When did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you?  When did we see you ill or in prison, and visit you?’  And the king will say to them in reply,  ‘Amen, I say to you, whatever you did for one of these least brothers of mine, you did for me.’…”

Matthew 25:35-40


With everything in the world, what is really important?  Siding with Israel or Palestine?  Whether or not Charlize Theron is engaged to Sean Penn?  Or whether or not the Republicans can gain control of the US Senate or can the Democrats keep it?

What is wrong is seeing those that are in desperate need or living on the fringe of society AND doing nothing to help them…


“Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you accursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels…Then they will answer and say, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty of a stranger or naked or ill or in prison, and not minister to your needs?’  He will answer them, ‘Amen, I say to you, what you did not do for one of these least ones, you did not do for me.’  And these will go off to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life.”

Matthew 25:41,44-46



Reading the Bible

Alright, I have to admit that I had an idea for a post and then decided against it.  So what should I talk about?

I do not like to read.  It goes back to when I was a kid in grade school.  So I decided that this year, I would read the entire Bible.  I am glad that I read the New Testament first.  If I had read the Bible from beginning to end like a normal person, I would likely not get to the New Testament at all.

I am on the Book of Judges.  It was like pulling teeth to get to that point.  A lot of what I read was repeating what was already written.  I think I have read about which tribes of Israel got which areas of the promise land and which cities about three times.  Women are not treated really well.

Deflower a woman outside the city and she is yours if you pay her father.  Then the man can never divorce her.  Whoa!  Made me think about the movie “Dogma” where Selma Hayek’s character, a muse, said the whole Bible is gender biased.

Then I remembered what my dad told me.  He was raised a Catholic.  His father followed the Gospels and the New Testament, not the Old Testament.  And I can see why…

Yes, I will finish reading the Old Testament, but it is a history of God.  Through Jesus, we now have a new covenant to follow.  That is in the Gospels.




He Who is Without Sin…

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There has been a lot in the news about the whole Hobby Lobby ruling.  And I am not here to say that whether or not it was right or wrong.  This is a very touchy subject with many individuals.  But I am wondering if we are making discrimination excusable in the name of the Lord?

What do I mean?  Take the state of Mississippi for example.  On April 3, 2014, the governor signed a law that allows business to refuse service for “religious reasons”.  Many view this as a pass to refuse to serve the gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender community.  Have you ever seen “The Help”?  Same state, different laws.  Many Christian businesses were very happy with the new law until they found out that not all Christian businesses were going to exercise their religious rights.

Some businesses started displaying a decal next to their doors that states, “We don’t discriminate.  If you’re buying, we’re selling.”  Now some of those who won their right to refuse service are saying that they are now being discriminated against.

I have an uncle who is gay.  I grew up with a family friend that was gay.  So what?  Are they sinning?  Bible says so.  If the Bible says they are sinners, does that allow me to pass judgment on them and discriminate them?  That is where a lot of Christians may come up with different answers.

I see discrimination as HATE.  I have been discriminated against.  I believe the fact that I am Catholic weighed against me for a job that I applied for.  I am also overweight, and many people think I am not capable of keeping up with the work load for some jobs.  It is hard.  It is an ugly aspect of society.  And it is wrong to do.

John’s Gospel explains it:

And early in the morning he came again into the temple, and all the people came unto him; and he sat down, and taught them.And the scribes and Pharisees brought unto him a woman taken in adultery; and when they had set her in the midst,They say unto him, Master, this woman was taken in adultery, in the very act.Now Moses in the law commanded us, that such should be stoned: but what sayest thou?This they said, tempting him, that they might have to accuse him. But Jesus stooped down, and with his finger wrote on the ground, as though he heard them not.So when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them, He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her.-John 8:2-7


So again, are they sinning?  Bible says so.  Can I pass judgment and discriminate against them?  Well, am I without sin?

Who wants to be a Martyr?


This is a story that has broken my heart but has also left me wondering. 

On May 15, 2014, a Sudanese woman by the name of Meriam Yehya Ibrahim, who is 8 months pregnant with her second child, was sentenced to death for breaking Sharia law and committing apostasy (leaving Islam).  Her marriage to a Christian man was also voided which meant she was also guilty of adultery, for which she has been sentenced to 100 lashes. 

Miss Ibrahim was born to an Islamic father and a Christian mother.  The law in Sudan states that Islamic women must only marry Islamic men, but Islamic men may marry Christian women.  The children take on the faith of the father.  

Miss Ibrahim’s father left her and her mother when she was 6 years old.  She was raised and sees herself as a Christian.  

The government does not see it that way. 

All Miss Ibrahim had to do to avoid her death sentence was to recant her Christian faith.  She refused.


“…if we persevere, we shall also reign with him.  But if we deny him, he will deny us.”-2 Timothy 2:12


Many of the saints of the Church have died for preaching the Gospel of Our Lord and for refusing, the very same thing Miss Ibrahim has refused to do, to recant on their faith in Christ. 

They faced the very same thing Miss Ibrahim now faces:  Martyrdom 

Many may feel that she should just say she is a Muslim.  She would live, and, maybe, even be able to flee Sudan.  Where is the harm in that?


But Jesus warned us not to deny Him or the Father would deny us.  But how many of us really could not deny our faith if facing martyrdom?  I do not know if I could be strong enough to stick by my convictions.  St. Peter was not strong enough.  He was weak.  He denied our Lord; not once, not twice, but three times.

As I read about Miss Ibrahim and other Christians facing violence for believing in the Lord, my heart breaks for what they must endure.  But I also look up to those individuals for they strength they have to remain faithful to Our Lord Jesus Christ.

*Personal Note: I pray everyday that the Sudanese government are merciful and do not execute Miss Ibrahim.  But I am in awe of her strength and her faith.  I would totally understand her recanting.  But I hope she sticks to her convictions.  She is an amazing person.



Whatever Happened to the Golden Rule


“You may be the only Jesus your neighbor will ever see”-Mother Angelica


The news has been extremely depressing as of late.  There is all the strife in Syria and Ukraine. And pick a country and there is some sort of anti-Christian or anti-Semitic or anti-Islamic or anti-whatever sentiment.  One of the worst stories is the abduction of 270 Nigerian girls by an Islamic extremist group.  What the hell, people???
Yes, you can say there is a lot of hate and indifference in the world. But why? Indeed, much of it comes from the lack of forgiveness in the world, but I believe most, if not all, comes from the inability and/or unwillingness to love thy neighbor.

The greatest commandment includes love thy neighbor as you love yourself.  This is basically the golden rule: do unto others as you would have them do unto you.  But why is it so hard to follow these rules?

Years ago, before my conversion and joining the Church, I was spending a weekend with my newly Born-Again cousin and her husband.  We were watching the movie “Gladiator”. My cousin’s husband mentioned that it was sad that Maximus (Russell Crowe’s character) would never go to heaven, since he never knew Jesus.  I thought that was stupid. Then my cousin asked me if I thought our great grandmother had gone to heaven. I said that I did. I was getting angry that she asked. If our great grandmother, who was a genuinely good hearted person and a Christian her whole life, could not get into heaven; then there was no way my cousin’s born-again ass was getting in!

That same weekend, we had a discussion that I found disturbing on their part. I said I did not care what people thought or how they worshipped. I felt it was their preference, and a protected right of all in the United States, to believe how they wished. I respected that. My cousin and her husband said that they did not have to show that respect. They said that if it went against their beliefs, then they could not respect how others might worship/believe. I did not understand this. They said that according to their Christian faith, they could not and would not respect others.

And that there is the problem!


It is not a question of whether or not I respect another persons beliefs, it is that I respect them as an individual and a human life.  I do not have to like their thinking or faith or politics or whatever.  But I do have to show them “love”.  How do I show them this love? By not judging them and respecting their rights to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.

If that is how we show others love and if we “agree to disagree”, that would solve all the problems we see in the world.

Oh, and a big pinch of forgiveness makes it sweeter for us all.